Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Then the phone rang.

The phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number so I almost didn’t pick it up. But I’d had a job interview that morning so I thought, what the hey!

“Hello? Lucy speaking.”

“Hello there”.

Quick pause for lightening bolt to travel down my spine - holy crap it was my ex, Daniel. Damn him for always getting a reaction out of me. I answered cautiously.

“Hello Daniel”.

“Hey, you recognized my voice.”

“So I did, not like last time.”

He had called about six months ago with a new number and made me guess. I hadn’t been expecting it, as he hadn’t called me for a year and a half before that; so I didn’t clue into who he was, for a while. Eventually the penny had dropped.

“What time?”

Bastard, I knew he’d put me on the spot.

“Ah, just some time I didn’t recognize you voice, ages ago.” I trailed off awkwardly.

“Sooo, I’m holidaying on the Sunshine Coast with some friends and I was wondering if you still know anyone here?”

Random, where was this going?

“Um, no, not really; most of my friends have moved away and the rest I don’t talk to anymore, mainly because they are still there. Why?”

“Well I was wondering if you have any, connections.” Daniel paused.

Ah, the penny dropped – again. He wanted drugs.

“I don’t really know anyone like that, well, maybe Julie. But she lives on the Gold Coast now, so probably not” I rolled my eyes.

“Hmmm, the Gold Coast, that’s a bit far away.”

“Well if you’re that keen.”

“Surely she must still know people here right?” he said persuasively. God he had a sexy voice, just dripping with suave confidence. “Come on, we’re friends aren’t we?”

“Yeah, friends”, I snickered sarcastically, “Great friends”.

His voice dropped – and became blunt and annoyed – as he dropped all pretenses.

“Ok, well, great to talk to you. See you around and all”.

“Yeah, sure.” I said flatly.

“Talk later, bye!” Daniel hung up.

Bastard, I was almost tempted to call Julie, but wasn’t about to degrade myself that far. I threw my phone down. All of a sudden I had an idea and my face lit up in a wide smirk. About two years ago a friend of mine had given me this number called “My Fake”. If someone you didn’t like asked for your number and you couldn’t get rid of them, you handed it out. When the unfortunate person called the number, they would go straight to a rejection line voicemail and a young guy’s voice saying,

“Hi you’ve contacted the rejection line. The person who gave you this number never wants to see you again. We’d like to take this opportunity to officially reject you. Please feel free to leave a voice mail, or alternatively, you can send a picture message to this number. Happy New Year!”

Then a different male voice saying, “Sorry this message box is already full”

I laughed, evilly; this was going to be fun. I picked up the phone and looked for the number, then wrote it down and tried it out to make sure it still worked. It did, perfect. I sent Daniel an sms:

“Julie – 041_______, have fun.

Immediately he sent one back

“Thanks! Did you warn her I would call?”

I smirked

“Go right ahead”

My phone beeped and I grabbed it

“You’re a champ, D"

You don’t know the half of it, I thought, almost apoplectic with laughter.

I went to the kitchen to make myself tea. I had been sitting too long at the computer listening to music and talking on msn, I needed warming up. My nervous system was shot after the call with Daniel. I filled up the kettle and gazed out the window, it was starting to get dark earlier, I thought absentmindedly. Suddenly my phone beeped again. I lunged for it with glee.

It was Daniel.

“Ice cold.”

I burst out laughing. Oh my God, hilarious. I wasn’t sure if he’d actually call the number. He completely fell for it! So. Funny. I sat back down at the computer, a stupid smirk on my face. Abruptly my phone rang; not surprisingly I didn’t know the number, yet again.

I answered with trepidation, “Hello?”

A male voice, a rather sexy one, spoke into my ear. I could hear in his voice that he was trying to suppress his laughter.

“Hi, you don’t know me; I’m James, Daniel’s brother. I just called to say that was absolutely brilliant!”

He started to laugh and I heard Daniel’s voice hollering something in the background.

“That’ll learn him”, I said dryly.

“Really, that was fantastic. He’s still laughing. We all are. You’ve had us rolling on the floor for the last five minutes!”

I grinned. “Glad to be of service. I’ve had that number for so long and I’ve never had a chance to use it. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” I was wicked with delight. I knew Daniel’s wry sense of humour.

James chortled, “Seriously, don’t be sorry. It was too good. He had no idea at all! Fantastic, you totally got him.”

“Glad to be of service,” I replied. “About Julie, I would, but…”

James cut me off, “Don’t worry about it, seriously, you given us plenty. We’ll be laughing about this for the rest of the night. Great to talk to you though”

“You too”, I smiled.

And hung up.

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